UKTerrorist

UKT Who's Who

Posted by Valar` at 13:18, 28/5/2005

Due to the column section being a little flat of late, and the amount of flame even flatter. We did this.

DoZ and Valar's UKScene Who's Who
(Tongues firmly in cheek (our own, not each others). Continue...)



#

6k^b***h - Posted once in the past 729 days. This was an essay about his past csing life, and it was double spaced for some reason. Random: 10/10



A

adulki - Son of the famous Dadulki about whom nothing is known. Professional gamer, boxer, tennis player, eunuch and much more. Perhaps the single most aspiring young talent the world has to offer. And he's nearly old enough to go to lan on his own. Age: 15. Charisma: Absent. Intellect: Died age 7

AdY - Blackbelt in origami, follower in the cult of DK's hairstyling. He's a Sagittarius, enjoys moonlit walks along the beach, romantic dinners and aspires to be an Alan Shearer body double some day.

Alpha - An enigma. The occasional smart-arsed shout, otherwise feared for his unmoderated moderation. Promised DoZ that UKT karma would allow him to reincarnate as a leotard in a next life, later found to be lying.

AMeN - He's Canadian, we just can't seem to keep him over there despite our best efforts! Give it some more c&f dude! ;-) Famous for being thrown out of a landed event for smoking weed <3

Anisty - * Comments removed due to ensuing legal actions *



B

badER - Nearly died choking after laughing when he heard he would be in this column. Didn't even know what the column was about! Star

b0sH - Intergalactic Hero and proud author of THE Counterstrike tactics Bible. The holy grail that guides landed to victory time and t... no wait. Spacesuit: 8/10

Benji - So evil that Belgium itself would spit him back out. Neo-Nazi and yet harbours a great secret: his favourite movie is Titanic... because of Leo. And he moisturises. Looks hardman: 7/10. Looks at hardmen: 10/10

Bigbird - The Angoose is a phenomenal creature wielding much social prowess. Often found masquerading as Allah, Hitler or Michelle from down the road. Someone told me he was racist...

Blokefish - Banned from working with children due to his unnatural desire to smother them in warm olive oil while singing "Bringing In The Fishies"...



C

Coopsy - Single handedly dominating Kritikal's gaming career out of personal hatred which overshadows his professional judgement. He dropped a baby once too. Possible Satan worshipper.

Crappy - Cornish reject! Something many thought impossible...



D

Danneh - Jinkster's love child. George Bush is reported to have asked him for hairstyle advice, it is sad to see he has yet to follow it. Hooligan: 10/10. eThug: damn right mfer

Del - Canada didn't want him so we got the old git back! One love

DH - Possessed of an irrational ego for one so small since his taste of success in the popular Street Fighter series. As hench as Mr. T and twice as petite. Bendiness: 8/10. Hindu 11/10.

dhh - Steroid driven incredible hulk, and that's just in his trousers ladies! Will be working with kiddies in the future, don't be jealous Blokefish!

DK - Our own Neanderthal throwback! Tarzanlike complex (we've seen the pictures of him in tigerskin speedos), belligerent and singlehandedly made UKT 30% of what it is!

domje - all you motherf***ers f*** f*** the f***ers, all you motherf***ers say whooooooooooa. bling: 10/10. style: bling/bling. down with it? YESSIR. Prick: 9/10 (not size)

Doz - Fruit obsessed hippy with a penchant for the flowery and gothic. Healthily fixated upon breasts and their buoyancy, daughters should be locked away until the age of consent has long passed. Fruitiness: 12/10. Insanity: Quite possible. Adoration: Bow down peon.

duck - WE LOVE HIM. WE LOVE HIM. WE LOVE HIM. WE LOVE HIM. WE LOVE HIM. WE LOVE HIM. WE LOVE HIM. WE LOVE HIM. WE LOVE HIM. WE LOVE HIM. WE LOVE HIM. WE LOVE HIM. WE LOVE HIM. Quackability factor: 10/10. Lovability: 10/10. Shaftability 10/10. Snugglability: 10/10.



E

Eeon - Part time window cleaner, part time big friendly giant. Willing to slap his c**k onto your shoulder at lan so do not NOT get on the right side of him! Size: 6 inches, good effort



F

Fez - Exported to Germany to protect the British youth. Possesses innumerable one-liners dedicated to fingers and bodily cavities. Strange taste in tv programs. Sausage: 8/10. Idiot Rating: 3/10. Comedy Rating 9/10

Frantic - Alcohol never knew a more ceaseless enemy. Currently on his 17th liver!

FSK - Little Columbian ex-warlord unable to shave the side of his face. Currently in hiding from various cartels and the CIA, his cover as a prominent UK gamer has been methodically dismantled of late. Bless. Cuteness 9/10. Portability 7/10.



G

GaZ - Abuse extreme, sick ogrish style links always on hand. Single handedly attempting to impregnate the 15 year old female populace. Possibly works for MI6 and this is all a sociological experiment. Webcam rating: 4/10. Lad rating: 10/10. Pints to unconsciousness: 2

Gideon - Sponge. Config: 0/10. Connection: Irish



H

Harriman- Current occupation, pro-gamer and kiddy fiddler. Known for perhaps the single most astounding hairdo ever to grace the world of gaming, often referred to as a life of its own. Bears an uncanny resemblence to JD from Scrubs and we love him as much we love JD. Jailtime: Soon. Duration: Life sentence

Hayes - Cheats, sponges and is sol. Currently trying to impede on tmc's faceparty ground chatting to pornstar wannabes, and he has the DVD covers to prove it!

HB - Phwoarability: 10/10. See Reddy

Headshotman - If Carlsberg made Welshmen...

Hotshot - Demoted from the world of shoutcasting to the world of teaboyism. 4 years too late for that. Hair rating: 10/10. Cool rating: 5/10. Geek: 9/10



J

Jack - He loves his wabbits!! Forever immortalised as UKT fragger of the week, A giant amongst ordinary men, we salute you! o/

Jaffy - Goofy dominatrix, also industrial toilet paper. Will lead the revolution when it comes, assuming the revolution is DDR. ANNELANNE 2005 is coming! Jaffehmonster: 10/10

Jamsam - Sometimes Anisty, sometimes Mango

Jazzy Jebus - No idea who he is, but his name is similar to Jazz Jack Rabbit and for that he gets a mention!

Jinkster - We think he's American. Tried to get him exported and failed. Miserably. So we accepted him as long as he didn't post too many eCool columns!



K

kae - Nothing says style like a Kyle approved set of clothes. Was once TMC's gay lover but has since been converted to the world of women. Thai by preference (they're cheapest)

Kardy - The UK's youngest, most powerful wizard. He plays games too. Camera shy, average at lan, Sweden destroyer online. Christian. Config: 10/10. Idiot rating: 4/10

Katori - He was good at cs-manager *chuckle*. Professional giant and general smiley ugly person!

Kirdi - Imported from Malaysia at no extra cost, currently worked for slave labour with landed.

Kirt - Attempting to follow in the footsteps of Myers by trying to learn how to push adults around while being a kid. The difference being that Myers was successful, having a moral flexibility that would enable him to be a sniper without remorse yet still feel bad if he looked at another girl while he had a gf.

Kritikal - Shunned the high profile life of a body double for a certain famous female singer to concentrate on the important things in life. Is now believed to be in possession of more hair styling products than any other straight man (hah) in existence, but wait... my story gets better. He went out once. Level: 60. DPS: 1.2. HP: 104. KritikaL was hit with left hook from Toko for 250 damage.



L

Lyo - Once called someone Swampy the Eco Warrior. Deserves to be idolised for this if nothing else



M

Makaveli - One of two intelligent religious people on the site!! And we thought those two were mutually exclusive! Also plays wc3, but we decided not to hold that against him

Madspunk - Great name which conjures fantastic mental images. Think about it, go on ;-)

Mangiacapra - Possibly ate all former 4K members, see Teppum. Just ignore the bit about height

Mango - Verbosity and longevity in lieu with sarcasm and dry wit are profoundly required to navigate the quagmire of social interaction through modern day society due to the inequity of prejudice inherrent in what is considered the norm of upbringing - if such a word may be used. Hugability rating: 7/10. Hippy rating: 10/10.

Marcus - I was told Jewcedure was the only thing worth saying about him, but it's simply not true! He's agnostic and part of the anti-c*** brigade. Before you shirt lifting tosspieces msg him, I'm talking about c***eria as in punteria

Mashton - TSN shoutcaster and hotel MILF lover extraordinaire, oh yeah baby we have the pictures! Will be a fantastic commentator when his balls drop

Messiah - Driest humour known to man. Drier than dry ice. Even drier than yeast. Most drierestest humour ever.

monkE - Everything MonkH should have been. Cool, calm, sexy, talented and amazing at ora... stuff

MonkH - CSS sycophant. Probably deserving of life as little as most airborne bacteria. Lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech. Assassinability rating: Phenomenal. Survival rating: Bleak

Montaver - Named after a little known anime prostitute, despite what he says. For his sins against mankind he got exiled to Leeds, but fear not for the funbar will return some day, IF WE HAVE FAITH. Sometimes has nearly as much hair as Harriman.

m0rph - Intelligent, racist, charming and has more STDs than even TT, which is an impressive list I can tell you!

Myers - One time teaboy running lanth from about the age of 10, hath advanced little thince then. HLTV ith an optional extra in his current lanth. Thuthpect hith thexual awakening ith nigh, and then he shall be unleashed on the world. Fear him, revere him, for without him the UKThene would be a shadow of what it ith. Lithp: 8/10. Thize: Inthignificant. Impact: Phenomenal



N

Natasha - Is she 16 Stu? IS SHE?!

N3M - Cleft chin. Forgot to sellotape Punt to the hotel floor in Sweden. Singlehandedly keeps Scotland's sweetie industry going.



P

poog - This work would NEVER be complete without 4k^Scotty2Hotty, national hero in their time of need! Despite very sexist treatment towards him on behalf of the team, he kept smiling!

Protex - I only have the stories from various sources as to how hard he tries and how little he is liked by the people he slaves for. Blesssss him!

Punt - Irritating little f*** knuckle. Should have been taped and left in Sweden when the opportunity presented itself. Kickability 99/10

Punt - The infamous c***eria, loved by none. Can be described by only a single word: WORM. Wriggles his way in to where he is not wanted. A Red Dwarf description would also be apt "We have in our midst a complete smegpot. Brains in the anal region. Chin absent, presumed missing. Genitalia small and inoffensive, of no value or interest". No ratings needed

Punt - The only person to get 3 entires in this

Pyroux - One small man, one massive eyebrow, one larger mouth. Pint sized fun. Probably came in a kinder egg.



R

Realfire- UK's leading tactician, awper, clan leader and faceparty profile.

Reddy - Phwoarability 11/10. See HB

Rekkiem - 'Big' Mike Addison. LAN merc extraordinaire, second best guitarist on UKT ;-) Bigness: 11/10

Rhyzz - Attempting to single handedly keep chipshops in business, and succeeding admirably. That aside, he drives a new car every week, has a girlfriend with 6 breasts who models for Bill Gates on a regular basis. Once rescued a little girl from a well, a cat from a tree and a milf from a burning house. Legend: 10/10. Blubber: 11/10. Is he Lassie? Likely

Ripper - Going to the gym now. Suspected motive: pulling hench men. Second best teaboy the UK has ever seen and has all the attitude that years of servitude produces, with none of the physical or mental presence to back it up. Elf rating: 6/10. Fairy rating: 10/10.



S

Sarge - The Clintosaurus is a devious creature residing in a part of the world where the accent is known as "s***", but don't hold this against him. He has lovely breasts.

Scrappy - Immensely loveable despite being the gayest straight man EVER. Possessor of the largets Polish harem in south west London.

Seaweed - Taken the homo-erotic batton from Nazg0l (possibly in more than one way). Enjoys driving sims to wile away the hours while awaiting his newest weed installment. Idiot rating: 7/10. Comedy rating: 0/10. Flamewarability: 10/10. Homoeroticability: Immeasurable

ShaQ - The blonde to beat all blondes, puts the style in gaming and the sex appeal in tennis.

sickboy - We had nothing good to say about him, so we didn't. t**t: 10/10

SiE - 2 foot Brummie single handedly tring to distort the average kids per family statistic, and doing a f***ing (hoho) good job of it too mate!

Smittins - The only person to ever successfully use spray on hair. Practically f***ed essie with 1000 people watching at an i-series. Props to the Bristolian f***nut!

ssj - The man with the magic touch, has the ability to turn clans into origami and make them fold easily under pressure.

Strider - Brazil's gift to cs, thankfully that means he's not around except to peddle dodgy wares that even TT would be proud of! Also owned up some i-series 1on1 thing, apparently, thus proving his messianic past. Sexiness: 10/10.

Striker - Looks gay, sounds gay, yet gets the girlies. Disclaimer: He's Dutch, but he threatened to stroke my thighs if he wasn't included

Stan - We're talking the proper Stan here, not any latecomer wannabes. Abuse taken to an artform, and onetime possessor of the mightiest IRC blacklist known to man. Along with Deviant and Valar, responsible for destroying the mind of everyones favourite Jew, [SA]Serial^Killer

sulph - Built like a twiglet, cheats like a mongoose, f***s like a kleenex, looks like a jamrag

Sunman - Undereducated, overinformed. Combustible? Yes.



T

TaMiLTiGeR - nuff hench blud innit wagwan! henchness: 8/10 (dropped due to playing WoW).

Teppum - The only UK CS'er to possess a circumference greater than his height, this is largely due to being only 2'7. Hugability 0/10. Wishyoucouldhugability 9/10.

theb0g - Get out. Nazi 10/10.

Tinker - The award for the world's largest eyes goes to...

Tiz - Potato picking prowess

tmc - facepic.com browser extraordinaire. Ladies, lock up your daughters, friends and shiney things when Adz is around. His sexual lust is exceeded only by his facial flexibility. Known to be able to out-contort Jim Carrey! Possessor of the worlds only truly dangerous hairstyle.

Tru - STOP MAKING BRYN TALK ABOUT PARKOUR



U

Undone - You just don't get any safer! Safeness: 10/10. Car: 7/10



V

Valar - Groupie f***er. Attempting to collect a record number of cherries. Easy rider, easier lay. Not bad for a man of 72. MTV Future: Certain. Children fathered: Numerous. Those he knows about: 0

Venomous - One of the brains behind the zagsophie mp3! Used to play for blacklight, repented in the end thank GOD. Is currently in a clan ensuring nobody else has to endure Ripper. Humanitarian effort: 8/10



W

WeZ - I'm gonna eat youuuuuuu little baby! I like chicken, I like liver, meow mix meow mix please deliver

wilzoo - Chubby kebab shop owner. Who needs more?

w00kie - WHERE HATH HE GONE?! OUR FLUFFY WOOKIE HATH FORSAKEN US



X

Xplo^ - The other intelligent religious UKT goer! Anybody else wants to try and compete, no can do, you can feck off to another site!



Z

ZaG - Single handedly romancing the female counterstrike scene, and with those stunning Liam Gallagher like looks who can blame him? Has an unhealthy canine obsession, suspect his dream girl may have to be Mexican to accommodate this. Aaaaand Bingo was his nameo.



We purposefully did not put EVERYONE on there, because we want YOU to do some! Getting adding new defitions in the comments, or redoing some we've already done ;-)