UKTerrorist

Guild me to the Guild Wars!

Posted by WazMeister at 21:16, 20/5/2005

Guild Wars

Never fear the WazMeister is back with another pure pedigree spelling, grammar and endless essay mistakes review!!!!!
It’s been awhile so for those who don’t know me just read all the replies to my other Columns and your get a drift of me. Now on to the review!


This is my 2nd attempt at writing something for Guild Wars, at first I tried going at a different angle and doing a Professional wannabe magazine review but instead I want to go down the old road and give my weird opinion on the game.

Five years in the making! NCSOFT and ArenaNet present to you their ORPG (Online Role Playing Game) with no Monthly Fees!!! No sneaky little Russian deals of “Pay 50p and get better ITEMS!!!” None of that “were bring out 50 expansions just to fix a BUG. Infact ArenaNet have stated “free” steaming updates of new content and patches and to even go by their word they have recently announced 2 new Areas to play in which are coming soon! Now if that’s not more awesome than a pulsating ingrown toe nail on your friends big toe seeping green then I don’t know what is.

Now with it having no monthly Fee you must obviously think “How do they afford all the server power to handle all these players!!!” I wish I could know the answer from the developers as it still stuns me now so if you know let us all know . Guild Wars currently has six professions which are the usual Warrior, Ranger, Monk, Elementalist, Mesmer and Necromancer with 150 unique skills per character now that sounds a lot and it is, I think I only have a about 50 at the moment and that’s well enough! Every time I get a new skill I run to my front room in front of the TV which my dad is watching and dance while singing “I got a new skill! I got a new Skill!”

You get to choose two professions for your char a Primary and a Secondary, at the moment I play as a Monk/Elementist, I run around as a bald headed Healer thinking I’m some jet Li ready to pummel anyone in my way with a 4cm punch. With in the game you begin in Ascalon a lovely area with green grass, Buetiful Rivers rearing to scrub that welted stained semen on your body and towns full of other stuff. This area is basically like a Tutorial area with a few missions until your ready to do a Story Line mission which unlocks more areas and storie line, Once you have completed the first part of the story you skip two years ahead and your in Old Ascalon (basically Ascalon but in ruins). Here your in the big game rearing to go out and see the big world! Or is it big?
Guild wars works different from most RPG games you play such as WOW, SWG, EQ and so forth. You have towns which are public areas for all players but as soon as you step out of the town you’re in an instanced area where it’s just you or your party members and that’s it. No more twiddling the thumbs waiting in queue to kill that beast for a mission that earns you 60k gold and rare weapons that makes you get a stonking hardon that’s shredding your trousers from the stretch and making you tuck it in the waist so your mum doesn’t notice that bulge.

This idea has strong points and weak, strong as the idea suggested above and keeps lag down but bad because sometimes you feel you’re in a empty world unless you’re in a party which can be hard for non story line missions. As for story line missions its like nothing I’ve seen before in a online game, you do the mission and get actual movies to watch and unravel more Map to explore etc and I got to say this map/game area is so dam big its making me get the compass out and find the way out the threshold into my back garden. The world seems to be massive and takes forever just to run around exploring it all! Remember as I say all this with it being FREE once you bought it from retail! No monthly fee as I swear it’s big as EQ or WOW…….
When I say big as WOW I mean maybe in world size but in content size and much more wow beats GW hands down but you get for what you pay for.

If I went to an ugly prostitute and asked “How much would it cost for me to get a slap and a tickle and for you to spit on my balls and twizzle a mushroom around them” I’m guessing it be a lot cheaper than a fit prostitute. This applies to GW(guild wars) and WOW (world of warcraft) Guild wars has missions, get them done level up and then do war against other guilds while WOW has missions, in depth crafting, PvP and a lot of other things to do but at a price.
Guild Wars easily made me quit Matrix Online and WOW as it fills my taste buds for what I seek and it has no attached bill like an attached tug nut which you can’t remove from your arse hair with that coat hanger.

Now GW has a lot more to it than what I said above, you can craft new armour and get cool rare items and do some awesome quests! Some quests really get you involved and to do certain objects and bonuses, for example one mission we had to fix a catapult to knock out some Charr (big beasts with big slongs). The crafting is basically get the Materials, your gold and visit the vendor to buy the Armour but what’s so good about GW is you can salvage materials and get rare Runes which upgrade certain parts of your armour/weapons, there really is much more to this game than the eye can see! I been playing for awhile now and I’m lvl 14 and there is plenty I do not know about and lots of area I have not explored yet. You can’t beat jumping on a TeamSpeak server with your friends, meeting up and doing some missions together while constantly slagging each other down on the comms “My lvl 12 WARRIOR will kill your lvl 14 NECRO with 1 hit! Or My sword of Viagra is better than your wand of Vietnam”, just some examples of geek ness.


Main Aspect-

With the game being called Guild Wars there is obviously a reason why and that’s Player V Player (PvP). You can create guilds at later levels and compete against other guilds for a ranking in the official ladder, get guild halls for meets or just plain go around getting a name for your self by being smacktards and going at war with every other guild. So far I have just experienced random grouping PvP and I must say it’s totally skill in this rather than level you are. The max level is 20 which in my eyes is best idea ever… get to lvl 20 and compete for wins with skill not by ganking someone 50 levels below you ala WOW. Later if I’m not mistaken you get guild arenas and can have some great tactic and strategy wars which I totally can not wait for.
I can imagine it now running into battle screaming “Were gonna gank you NOOBS WHOOT! WHOOT!!” and then getting owned within 4 seconds of loading on the screen, more fun and excitement than chucking a marshmallow on a filthy stick and over burning it on a bon fire for it to fall in and dissolve resulting in you wanting to cry or try pick it back up for that extra crispy taste. That’s the big hype for me and the competitive side of things; I can see my self now psyching my self up for a guild war for a higher ranking on the table.
Taking my clothes off in my bedroom to be standing in my skiddy pants sweating and doing push ups and saying to my self “Yea! Come on! You can do this, they nothing but noobs! This is your Game! Your ownage time!” while running up and down the stairs for that extra adrenaline then jumping on teamspeak with nothing but a head band and saying to my fellow guild mates in a deepened ard nut voice “Lose this and your all out! Its judgement time Boys! Loose this and you all owe me 5 quid via paypal and no more naked webcam sessions!

With guild wars having no monthly fee it really is a game just to buy, try and either throw away or become addicted and be lvl 20 within 5 hours. There is so much more I could babble on about this game but to be quiet frank I want to get back in and rustle up some missions while shoving a rustler I bought from Tescos down my throat and chocking on it.
What excites me even more is when ArenaNet do produce further expansions we could possibly see some new added content for Player v Player. The guild wars engine is so versatile almost anything could work with it!


Conclusion:
Just give it a try I promise you’re like it once you’ve experienced the sheer detail in this game.



Dedicated to Pete (FTG- Full Time Gimp, Guild).